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Many people soothe and comfort themselves with food. If you regularly find yourself turning to food to cope with your emotional life, I encourage you to instead create rituals of care for yourself. Live your life on a foundation of extraordinary self care.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

1. Eat a healthy diet. You know the drill. Get rid of junk food, added sugar, and refined carbs. Supplement wisely.
2. Take at least 15-30 minutes daily to engage in quiet time. Set this as time for when you are uninterrupted. You can engage in gentle stretching or other soothing activity; journal; listen to music; or simply be.
3. Be active each day for at least 20 minutes. Walk, do yoga, dance, hike, go to the gym…just be active to your ability level.
4. Laugh. Allow yourself to feel exquisite joy, and to express it with a laugh.
5. Surround yourself with compassionate and caring people. These can be friends, colleagues, and family. Cultivate connections that build you up.
6. Be in nature. Notice the sky. Listen to sounds of life bubbling around you. Feel the breeze. Observe trees in detail. Watch the wonders of this world flow all around you.
7. Express gratitude. There is so much to be grateful for. To be able to experience the spectrum of emotions, to engage in the processes of living, to simply feel the sun and the rain on your skin.
8. Be compassionate towards and kind to others. Do things to help people. Ask someone in your home if you can help with a chore. Volunteer. Actively show kindness. Listen to someone else fully.
9. Spend time with animals. Play with your pet.
10. Express yourself creatively. Drawing, painting, dancing, sculpture, music, drama, writing, improv…transform your pain into something creative and artistically expressive.
11. Let yourself cry.
12. Drink water and stay hydrated.
13. Allow your emotions to come and go without clinging to them. Do not force uncomfortable emotions away; don’t reject them. And, don’t try to hold on to what feels good.
14. Get good sleep.
15. Remember those whom you’ve lost.
16. Try a new class or activity.
17. Cultivate a simple scared ritual that honors something or someone in your life. It can be a simple as lighting a candle, writing in a journal, donating, starting a new hobby, or reflecting on the depths of a tarot/oracle card.

Food is often inaccurately perceived as a “treat” or a “reward”. But it isn’t. The real treat and reward is reaching your weight loss goal. The real treat is good health. The real reward is engaging meaningfully in your life, to be able do things that matter to you and that bring you joy.

Finding ways to treat and reward yourself without food is an important part of your healthy weight loss journey. You deserve credit for consistently engaging in healthy habits. You deserve to treat yourself. You can do both without food. Here is a list of 60 ways to treat yourself without food.

1. Give yourself credit. Acknowledge your effort, whether it’s because you finished a difficult work project or did some yoga.
2. Buy yourself flowers or a new houseplant. A simple bouquet or a potted plant can be beautiful additions to your space. 
3. Listen to a podcast that interests you. Listen to at least one episode as a reward for your hard work and dedication to reaching your weight loss goals. There are podcasts on a variety of topics. You might even discover a new hobby or interest. 
4. Schedule time to do any activity you enjoy. Spend at least 30 minutes today doing any activity/hobby you enjoy.
5. Browse your local bookstore, library, or Amazon. Check out new books on your platform/retailer of choice. Let your curiosity guide you to books and subjects that interest you. 
6. Download some new music. Reward yourself by spending at least 15 minutes browsing and even downloading/purchasing some new music. Music can impact your mood.
7. Buy yourself a gift. Buy a small item for your home or work space. Choose something that inspires you and/or makes you happy.
8. Watch a movie.
9. Try a new workout.
10. Light a scented candle.
11. Take a luxurious bath.
12. Go for a walk.
13. Treat yourself to a nice new body lotion.
14. Take a nap.
15. Watch a YouTube tutorial and try something new.
16. Change your bedsheets.
17. Sign for a class you’ve been wanting to take.
18. Give yourself a break: let the household chores just be for a day.
19. Buy something to brighten up your work or home space. A simple pillow, a cozy blanket, new pens, a lamp…
20. Give yourself a lot of time to watch an entire series on Netflix/AmazonPrime/Disney+/Hulu/etc
21. Buy new workout clothes.
22. Take some time to do your hair/makeup. Even if you aren’t going anywhere.
23. Call a close friend or family member.
24. Spend time in nature.
25. Color something/do an art project.
26. Buy a new kitchen appliance. This will help you continue making and exploring healthy foods.
27. Get some new shoes. Heels, flats, gym shoes…
28. Write in a journal.
29. Listen to an inspirational TED talk or other lecture.
30. Check out the Free section on Craigslist and grab something that interests you.
31. Try a YouTube dance tutorial
32. Watch your favorite childhood movie or show.
33. Visit a pet store
34. Play video games for an hour
35. Put together a puzzle
36. Build a sand castle
37. Visit local haunted places
38. Let your intuition be your guide with a deck of tarot and/or oracle cards
39. Blow bubbles
40. Fly a kite
41. Watch comedy and improv on YouTube
42. Play with your pet
43. Hula Hoop
44. Go to the ocean (or mountains, or desert…)
45. Learn a magic trick
46. Tell someone about your accomplishment. Accept their approval/praise/compliment without discounting it. Go you!
47. PJ day all day.
48. Be present. Simply allow yourself to be in whatever moment you are in. Engage fully with your life for at least 5 minutes.
49. Sit in a garden
50. Get some glow in the dark stars and put them on your walls.
51. Buy some stickers.
52. Make a collage
53. Listen to a motivating podcast.
54. Volunteer
55. Remind yourself of your progress. Try using some affirmation/words of wisdom/quotes.
56. Do something you’ve been meaning/wanting to do.
57. Spend time with your kids
58. Create a private space in your home where you can relax. You might include some plants, sparkly rocks, photos, or anything else that makes you feel peaceful.
59. Take photos of anything you like.
60. Start a new hobby

I’ve been listening to some podcasts with a well-known and well-respected author who is a proponent of a ketogenic diet for weight loss. While I found numerous statements and claims questionable, what I want to focus on in this blog post is whether or not a ketogenic diet is a “magic bullet” for weight loss, especially for those who struggle with emotional eating.

I followed a ketogenic/low carb diet for decades. I believed carbs were fattening. If I could get my carbs low enough, the keto experts told me, I’d lose weight and be able to effortlessly control my eating. In fact, “overeating” was an illusion, as far as weight was concerned! Calories don’t count on keto, they said. I heard similar claims made on the podcasts I listened to recently. Like many who currently follow low carb diets, I struggled with overeating cheese, nuts, and low carb treats. My weight was 15-20 lbs higher than it is now. I no longer follow a keto or very low carb diet, although I am carb-conscious.

A ketogenic diet did not magically melt off my weight, and it did nothing to control my overeating/emotional eating/cravings. On one of the keto podcasts I recently listened to, the keto author said he recently decided to cut out nuts because he was eating ~1,000 calories of them per day and noticed a rash on his face. Going from 1,000 calories of nuts (about 5.5 oz) to no nuts exemplifies black and white thinking. Why not just…eat 1 oz of nuts? Because doing that is hard for many people. Nuts are delicious. With a lot of time and inner work, I can now limit my nut (including peanut butter!) consumption…even though I eat CARBS! Shouldn’t I be riddled with cravings and unable to control my eating? Keto does not cure emotional eating, or wanting to eat food because it is delicious.

Keto may very well truly control hunger on a biochemical/physiological level. But humans eat food for all kinds of reasons that have little to do with physical hunger. We eat when happy, sad, stressed, and celebrating with friends. We eat food because our mom made it. Food is love. Food calms our nerves. Food is comfort. Eating keto does not eliminate feelings of deprivation and restriction. It is important to note, however, that “deprivation” and “restriction” are subjective. Some people may not feel deprived or restricted on keto. But others might, especially when family members and friends eat foods forbidden on a ketogenic diet.

Sugar, refined carbs, and processed junk are not health foods. This point is underscored by most successful diet strategies, including keto. I am not suggesting all foods are created equal and can be eaten in moderation. And, if keto works for an individual and helps them lose weight while also improving markers of health and well-being, fine. But many people will struggle with keto, or any diet, because diet alone with not fully resolve emotional eating issues. Giving up sugar and junk food and refined carbs is a crucial first step. For many, this step is difficult to make both initially and long term. The best diet in the world will not work if an individual can not overcome their emotional barriers to following it consistently.

So, what can the emotional eater who wants to lose weight do? Address the physiology of weight regulation through healthy diet and lifestyle as well as the emotional realm which can thwart the best of intentions to consistently engage in those behaviors. Over time, taste preferences and eating habits change. Sugar will not always beckon with such intensity.

There are many layers to our being. There is the part of us that feels frightened, the part of us that dances with joy, and there is the part of us that observes all our changing states. One aspect of who we are, or numerous aspects, are salient at any given time.

There is the part of you that binges/abuses food, and there is the part of you that watches yourself while you are doing it. I use the word “binge” but people tend to have different ways of describing this process including emotional eating, grazing, overeating, breaking a diet, mindless eating, etc. If “binge” doesn’t resonate with you but you do resonate with struggling to control your eating in some way, use whatever word or phrase suits you.

Consider the following questions. You can write about them, ponder them, or create some kind of artistic expression around them—

What role does your binging serve in your life?

Is there a pattern to it? Does it follow certain events/emotions?

What aspect of yourself might it represent?

What is its relationship to the part of you that observes it happening?

What would it take for you to give up this behavior? Why aren’t you doing that?

What does self-care mean to you? Is it buying a fancy bath bomb and enjoying a 20 minute bath? Is it treating yourself to an expensive purchase? What if you don’t have time to spend 20 minutes in a bath? What if finances are tight? The concept of “self-care” can often be synonymous with buying something or spending a lot of time on ourselves. And those things are nice to do— it does feel good to treat ourselves to some lovely smelling lotion, or an organic bath bomb, or give ourselves the luxury of relaxing in a warm bath. But self-care encompasses so much more.

Most people find the concept of self-care difficult to embrace, for a variety of reasons. When you think about doing something kind for yourself, how does that make you feel? Guilt and selfishness are common emotions. You deserve your own care and attention. Self-care is also how you talk to yourself, how you interpret the events in your life. Do you regularly beat yourself up? Is the voice of your inner critic particularly loud? Working on self-compassion and self-kindness in terms of your interior life is a valid form of self-care. Here are some other self-care ideas you may want to incorporate:

1. Treat yourself as kindly as you would others. Be gentle with yourself. Do one nice thing for yourself.
2. Devote a few hours to yourself this week. Take a walk, prepare a healthy meal, do an activity you enjoy.
3. Go somewhere beautiful and fun. This can be the ocean, somewhere else in nature, a lake, or the mountains. During the pandemic, it’s important to practice social distancing to keep yourself and others safe. If going somewhere physically is not possible, you can spend time looking at pictures of places you would like to go online.
4. Take time to do things you need to do in your life such as shopping for healthy groceries, going to doctor and dental appointments, and keeping your space clean.
5. Do yoga or stretch. The mind body connection is fascinating.

Grounding techniques can help you disengage from overwhelming emotions and cravings. Try one of these techniques next time you feel pulled towards unhealthy eating habits like bingeing or eating junk food, especially in response to distressing emotions like anger, frustration, and anxiety.

Grounding is not about relaxation or meditation. It is about being totally focused and rooted back in the here and now of your current environment, not lost in your mind/distress/craving.

Here are some grounding techniques:

1. Rainbow 🌈 — Look around your environment and identify objects corresponding to each color of the rainbow, in order: Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Purple.
2. Circles & Squares 🔵🟠🟥🟪— Identify five objects in your environment that are circles and five that are squares.
3. Read Backwards 📖— Find something to read. Starting at the end, work backwards. For example, the sentence “I am here in the room” would become “moor eht ni ereh ma I”.
4. Categories 🐶— Pick a category and list as many things you can think of that belong to it. Example categories include animals, movies, song titles, vacation destinations, and cartoon characters.
5. Describe your environment 🌠— Look around your environment and describe what you see non-judgmentally. Describe the objects, the shapes, colors, numbers of things, etc. Be as detailed as possible.
6. Repeat a here and now statement 📅— An example: “My name is Tova. I am in my room. Today is Monday December 14, 2020. I am here in the present moment of my life. This feeling will pass.”
7. Use sensation 🧊🧊— Put ice or cold water on your face or wrist, place your feet firmly on the ground, smell something like perfume.
8. Repeat comforting phrases 🎶— Recite a poem or a song you like. You can also read coping statements or affirmations. You can do this silently or outloud, if you feel comfortable doing so.

I eat cake every night. My cake, though, is totally healthy. It doesn’t lead to cravings. It does not contain any added sugar. It is a very healthy cake. I add different things to it, leave out certain ingredients, etc. You can vary it to suit your preferences, making sure the ingredients contain no added sugar. Here are the ingredients in the above pic:

1.5 oz Triple Zero Oikos

1.5 oz plain non fat Greek yogurt

Ceylon cinnamon

Pumpkin pie spice

~1/4 cup canned pumpkin

1 tsp unsweetened cocoa powder

2 tbsp Nana Joe’s Savory Blend granola

1 tbsp shredded unsweetened coconut flakes

2 tbsp crunchy peanut butter

Very simple and easy to make. First I mix the yogurt, pumpkin, spices, and cocoa powder. Then I top with a variety of toppings: unsweetened granola, coconut flakes, and a couple tbsp of peanut butter on the side.

Super delicious. Protein, fiber, healthy fats. None of the junk in most cakes. Enjoy!

Having a sense of your values can be helpful in a variety of situations. Values can be a compass, guiding you through the rhythms of your life experiences. They can inspire values-based actions, in which you act in accordance with what you value. You might value different things on different days. You may have certain values related to work, and different values related to your personal relationships. There are many ways to work with values.

Here is one way to get started on identifying your core values:

1. Create three separate piles: Very Important To Me; Important To Me; Not Important To Me
2. Sort the values from the list below into the three piles. No need to overthink this!
3. From the Very Important Pile, choose your top 5 values.
4. Repeat this activity as often as you like.

Next time you find yourself struggling with cravings, urges to eat, distress, or engaging in negative self-talk, try to refocus on your values. How can you redirect your attention towards what is meaningful to you?

I hope you had a healthy and safe Thanksgiving. I made this super delicious and very healthy pumpkin pie. I ate it with no added sugar chocolate coconut ice cream.

Here’s the recipe:

Ingredients:

1 15 oz can pumpkin puree (make sure not to get pumpkin pie filling. The only ingredient should be pumpkin)

1/4 cup golden monk fruit sweetener

1 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp nutmeg

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

1 tsp pumpkin pie spice

2 large eggs

1 cup unsweetened almond milk

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees. I used a convection oven.
2. Add all ingredients to a large bowl and mix until well combined.
3. Either pour mixture into a 9 inch pie dish or divide evenly among 6 single serving oven-safe baking bowls as I did.
4. Bake 40-50 minutes, or until a knife inserted into the center comes out dry.
5. Allow to cool before serving.

Struggling with your weight loss? Join my free 7 Day No Added Sugar Challenge group on Facebook!