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Thoughts Are Not Facts

Not every thought that pops into your head is true. However, it is very common for people to buy into their thoughts and take action based on them. 

For example, some people believe a very low carb ketogenic diet is the only way to lose weight. This narrative subsequently directs the kinds of diet information they seek and rely on. When they get stuck and don’t lose weight, they try to further restrict carbohydrates or meal frequency, etc. They struggle to consider there might be other ways to adjust their diet, including increasing real whole food carbs and reducing added fat.

Other people have self-defeating thoughts about themselves. These can be related to weight, one’s eating behaviors, and one’s ability to successfully lose weight. There can also be painful thoughts about one’s loveability, likability, and self-worth. These painful thoughts can fuel emotional eating and create feelings of hopelessness.

I hope the connections between our thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and physical sensations is becoming increasingly apparent to you. This is one reason I suggest journaling/monitoring/tracking.

Today, notice when you are making interpretations about yourself, others, or the world/life in general. Consider that these narratives/thoughts/stories might not be true. 

Tracking

Tracking, monitoring, and journaling are hugely beneficial practices as you begin to change your habits and patterns around food. Our experiences are very complex. Tracking and monitoring can help bring your awareness to the forces and dynamics that might be impacting you and your tendency to binge eat or emotionally eat. The general framework I suggest is breaking down your emotional eating experiences into thoughts (including memories and images); physical sensations and urges; behaviors/actions; emotions; and context (where you are, who is with you, your larger environment). You can also use chain analysis to discover which elements of the above tend to precede your binge eating.

Another area you might bring your attention to is the amount of time you spend engaged in what I call ‘Diet-Related Social Media’ (DRSM). This refers to posting about, reading about, and searching for information on diet, weight loss, and food. How much of your day is spent on these behaviors? How much time are you spending thinking about diet? How does thinking about diet, reading about diet, and scrolling through diet posts make you feel? 

It might be helpful for you to take a DRSM break. You could totally skip DRSM for a period of time, or cut it down to an amount of time that feels reasonable and manageable for you. Cutting back on DRSM can be challenging. What are you going to do with that time? You might feel a sense of loss, especially if a lot of your identity is wrapped up in DRSM. Perhaps come up with a list of other topics you might what to research instead, or other hobbies/activities you now have time for. Use this DRSM-Vacation as an opportunity to discover more of who you are.

Creative Journaling Process

Journaling is wonderful and hugely beneficial practice for wellbeing. When we write things down, we concretize them. We externalize them. We get them out of our heads. We discover things, patterns, relationships, in our experiences.

I have recently started a 20 minute journaling practice blending tarot, Dixit Cards, Storymatic Cards, and a book of symbols. This is a very fun, engaging, creative, and insightful process. You can use this process either for personal insight and exploration or to create a fictional story. Here is what I do, primarily for personal journaling:

1. I have numerous Dixit decks (original Dixit, Memories, Origins, Journeys, Revelations, Harmonies). I have not yet mixed my decks. Rather than choose a deck to work with, I let tarot choose for me. I pull a tarot card for each Dixit deck and use the deck with the tarot card I resonate with the strongest. For example, today the card I resonated with was The Moon which landed on Harmonies.

2. I randomly pull a card from the Dixit deck. This allows the card to function like a suggestion in improv as I, through the below process and free association, relate to it personally.

3. I set a timer for 20 minutes. First, I ‘map’ the card. I write down all the elements on the card, including emotional tone, relationships, what I notice first, objects, strong colors, and any initial thoughts about the card and personal associations.

4. Next, I pull 2 gold cards from Storymatic to give me insight and ideas for characters/people, either in the scene or related to it. This provides context for what is depicted in the card. Deepening the context of plot, I pull 2 red Storymatic cards. The Storymatic cards are optional and I don’t always integrate them into my journaling. Sometimes, though, there is a strong ‘AHA!’ moment with the Storymatic cards and they really connect the Dixit scene with the personal.

5. Sometimes I go back to the initial tarot card and see if that adds anything to my Dixit card analysis.

6. Now I use my symbols book. You could probably use any book on symbols or dreams. These descriptions don’t need to be taken literally but do add inspiration as you consider the ideas various elements of a Dixit card might represent, especially in relation to each other, and that resonate with you. Again, like in improv, these function as suggestions.

7. I consider all of the above and how it might relate and apply to my life, especially to any current issue or concern, and I write. My current issue/concern can now be ‘mapped’ onto the Dixit card and all of the ideas and themes discovered through the above processes.

As noted above, this could also be used to create a super interesting fictional story, especially with more explicit use of the Storymatic cards.

Scheduling Activities

It can be very challenging to find time for hobbies, social events, physical activity, and down time in general. It is so important to carve out some time to engage in these healthy behaviors, especially physical activity. 

If the thought of this feels overwhelming, a first step might be writing down how you spend your time. See where you can make adjustments for hobbies, physical activity, and social events. What is a manageable amount of time for you? 

Look at your sleep: When do you go to bed, and when do you wake up? These times should generally be consistent throughout the week. If sleep is a problematic area for you, I encourage you to focus on getting better sleep because it is so crucial for mental and physical health.

Make a list of hobbies you enjoy. Your list could include current hobbies, past hobbies, thing you want to learn/try, etc. Next, pick one or two of these that are most interesting to you. Schedule when you’ll do these things, either some time each day or during the week. 

Next, consider your social connections. Social connection is hugely beneficial for your health and wellbeing. Here are some ways to increase your social connections: 

Sign up for adult classes (maybe related to one of your hobbies)

Take a class at your gym (maybe related to your physical activity)

Join a group— check out meetup.com and Facebook

Volunteer

Emotional Eating Journal Activity

There are so many layers to our experiences. Strands from the past make their way into our present moment experience. It can be challenging and frustrating to try to figure out why we do what we do, feel the way we feel, and how we can change deeply ingrained patterns of being and behaving. Consider the following scenario:

You’ve have a long and stressful day at work. You’re working on cutting out sugar and eating “healthier” (although you’re not quite sure what that means since there’s so much conflicting information!). You walk into your home, replaying a conversation from hours ago and beating yourself up about what you said. Flipping through your mail, you see an unexpected and very large bill. You become very stressed. You’re also hungry and tired. Sticking to your diet just feels way too hard right now. You decide to eat what you want, feeling angry at yourself for breaking your diet again.

There are a lot of thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, and behaviors going on in that scenario! It’s important to note sometimes our actions are mental actions that are not observable.

You might find it helpful to take some time each day during the week to reflect on Activating Events and your beliefs/thoughts about them. Create a chart in your journal with columns for Activating Events; Beliefs or Thoughts; Results; New Beliefs; New Results.

Here is what to write in each column—

Activating Event: A specific situation, event, feeling, physical sensation, environment, etc. Examples: feeling hungry, feeling lonely, on a date, at a party.

Belief or Thought: What do you believe about the Activating Event? What are your thoughts about it? How do you interpret it? Examples: I cannot handle this discomfort; This is a sign something is wrong; There’s something wrong with me; I shouldn’t have said that.

Responses: How do you respond to your beliefs/thoughts? Is there a behavior or an emotion, or both? Examples: avoid, leave a situation, eat, binge, anxiety, panic, self-blame

New Beliefs: How can you reframe the Activating Event? What is a different perspective to view it? Could someone else have a different way of viewing/interpreting your Activating Event? What are some alternative beliefs/thoughts? Hint: Imagine the beliefs/thoughts a very wise person might have about your Activating Event. Ex: I can tolerate discomfort. It will pass.

New Responses: How might you react and respond to these new beliefs/perspectives on your Activating Event? What behavior might you engage in? How might you feel? Ex: let my cravings be there without trying to get rid of them.

I hope this journal activity is helpful for you! Try it for a week and see what you uncover about yourself. For many people, reaching for unhealthy food is an immediate response. New Beliefs and New Responses can help you challenge your habitual ways of being and responding to the Activating Events that drive you to food.

Progress this activity: For another week, whenever you feel pulled to break your healthy eating plan and binge, or eat a bunch of sugary junk food, grab your journal and fill out the columns described above. Consider some new perspectives on your situation. How does that impact your eating? What behaviors might you do instead? What other options are available to you, both in terms of your beliefs and thoughts, as well as what you actually do?

At least consider the possibility of a different way to respond to your Activators.

Figuring Out Your Weight Loss Diet

Figuring out your diet in order to lose weight can be incredibly frustrating! There are so many different diets, many of which conflict in terms of their recommendations. And within a specific diet, there can be a wide spectrum of tweaks. For example, if you eat low carb, how many carbs/net carbs should you count? Should you cut out dairy? Nuts? If you choose to follow one of the current Weight Watchers programs, how do you handle all the Zero Point foods? Do you eat Weeklies and/or Activity Points? Etc.

AND, keep in mind, diet is only ONE FACTOR in your weight loss. Things like activity, psychological stress, and sleep all impact your weight. Weight gain/loss comes down to HORMONES AND PHYSIOLOGY. In this blog post I am going to leave those other factors alone to focus on helping you navigate your own weight loss diet…but know that they do matter, and if you’re eating a relatively good diet, it might be helpful to see what other areas of your lifestyle could use some healthy tweaking.

When it comes to eating for weight loss, you have two primary options. One is to follow a *PROVEN* weight loss diet. These are generally restrictive, beyond eliminating the worst foods for weight loss (including processed junk food, refined carbs, added sugar, hydrogenated/processed fats). For example, Dr Michael Mosley’s diet is 800 calories for a period of time. For many people, that is very restrictive. For others, it works very well. These people lose unhealthy weight and improve their health and find the maintenance version of the diet something they can stick with long term (it is not 800 calories forever). For people who struggle with binge eating/emotional eating, this way of eating many not work very well as it can trigger binge eating. Thankfully, it is not the only weight loss option.

There are a variety of published weight loss and healthy eating diets by weight loss professionals. As noted above, particularly for weight loss, these diets are likely to be restrictive in some way, either by limiting the total amount of food you can eat or the type of food you can eat. Many of these diets progress to a more liberal maintenance phase. If one of these ways of eating resonates with you and works for you, go ahead and give it a shot. Remember, the most important thing you can do to stop binge eating/emotional eating is to stop eating processed junk food and added sugar/refined carbs. Many published diets encourage real, whole food.

If a Book Diet or program like Weight Watchers does not appeal to you, consider shifting your diet towards a Mediterranean eating pattern. This healthy way of eating is validated by numerous scientific studies. You can make it more or less plant based or low carb, depending on your dietary preferences. It allows for a wide variety of healthy whole food. For people who struggle with binge eating/emotional eating, this can be a good place to start because it is less restrictive than more mainstream weight loss diets. The way I suggest approaching this is to start where you are. Here’s how to do that:

1. Stop eating processed junk food and added sugar/refined carbs. These do not serve you in any way whatsoever. These are not treats. These foods perpetuate food addiction, emotional eating, and binge eating. Do not buy these foods. If others in your environment continue to eat them, do what you can to minimize your exposure.

2. Take an inventory of your current eating patterns. How are your meals spaced? Are you going too long without food? When do you get hungry? Do you enjoy what you eat? What foods are you eating? Also not that in general, it is a good idea to have about 12 hours between the last time you eat at night and the first time you eat the next day.

3. Identify one change you are willing to make to shift your diet closer to a healthy whole food Mediterranean diet. This is very individualized, and something I work on with my clients. Essentially, you will be adding a food, swapping a food, or taking out/cutting back on a food. This process can happen over many weeks. In general, a good place to start is adding lots of non starchy veggies. These are filled with nutrients and will satiate you, especially if you prefer large amounts of food. It might be helpful to start adjusting your foods first before cutting back on quantities. See where you get by cutting out the junk and shifting to real whole food.

Questions? Comments? Want some weight loss coaching support? Email me: tovaabelmancoaching@gmail.com

An Embodied Action-Oriented Approach to Binge Eating and Emotional Eating: Interoception

Because my way of working with clients who want to lose weight and struggle with binge eating/emotion eating is unique, I want to explain how it works and why it is so powerfully beneficial. I draw heavily on embodied action-oriented interventions, improv, drama therapy, CBT/DBT/ACT/CBS/exposure, and evidence-based principles more generally. One of my favorite quotes is by David Tolin, an Adjunct Professor of Psychiatry at Yale University School of Medicine: “we can adjust our beliefs based on our behavior…Our behavior exerts a powerful influence (of which we are often unaware) on how we view ourselves, other people, and the world—for better or for worse” (p. 41). The healing is ultimately in the doing. Action shapes thought. Action shapes who we are.

My action-oriented embodied workshop progresses towards deconstructing your emotional eating into thoughts, behaviors, emotions, physical sensations (interoception!), and context. The process of my workshop stimulates divergent thinking, creativity, perspective taking, and new ways of relating to experience and yourself. My aim is to help you discover areas you had not considered in which to make changes to your habits and your eating and/or inspires you in a new direction of change.

One powerful element of my workshop is its incorporation of interoception. Interoception is essentially how we understand the internal sensations of our body— our hear beat, a headache, a full stomach, an empty stomach, a tingle in the leg. The way the mind interprets interoceptive signals is part of what gives rise to your emotional experience. There are many ways interoception can go awry. Some people don’t pay enough attention to their internal signals, some people avoid these signals, and others pay too much attention to their bodily sensations. How do you relate to the sensations in your body? The sensations underlying your experience of craving? What sensations accompany your experience of anxiety?

In my workshop we work with the body. One way of doing this is to have participants express how they are feeling as we begin the workshop. In this activity people are labeling what they are experiencing. Research shows that naming what is being felt/experienced has a profound effect on the nervous system. Another more distanced and perhaps more granular method is to ask participants to express how they feel with a sound and a movement; no verbal words necessary. There are not always words to describe what one feels. A sound and movement allows for a very granular, precise, and specific interoceptive express of what one feels using the entire body in physical 3 dimensional space. According to Annie Murphy Paul, an acclaimed science writer, “accurately distinguishing among interoceptive sensations is associated with making sounder decisions, acting less impulsively, and planning ahead more successfully—perhaps because it gives us a clearer sense of what we need and what we want.” (p. 29).

Throughout most of my workshop we use various embodied techniques primarily from improv. This embodied way of expression is driven by interoception and movement. Binge eating and emotional eating can feel very chaotic. Having a greater interoceptive awareness can help you more accurately label and identify what you are experiencing emotionally so you are not lost in an overwhelming haze of binge eating. By the end of this workshop, the interoceptive awareness you may have generated might lead to new insights when you go to deconstruct your emotional eating/binge eating. It is also a tool you can take with you. For example, when you feel a binge urge you can try expressing it with a sound/movement, or try attaching an emotional label to what’s going on for you.

In future blog posts I’ll discuss other unique elements of my workshop!

Interoception

Emotional eating and binge eating can feel very out of your control. But it is important to begin conceptualizing these behaviors as occurring within a system: your context/environment; thoughts; feelings; physical sensations; other behaviors. There are often elements/forces/dynamics that precede binge eating. You might find you tend to binge and experience overwhelming emotions when you don’t get enough sleep, when you skip meals, when you are stressed at work, when you feel isolated and lonely, etc. What is your experience when you binge and/or experience overwhelming emotions? I encourage you to go beyond labels like ‘sad’ ‘mad’ ‘angry’ ‘bored’ ‘tired’ and instead get very granular about your specific experience. What I mean by this is, develop intuition and interoception.

Lisa Feldman Barrett, a University Distinguished Professor of Psychology at Northeastern University, with appointments at Harvard Medical School and Massachusetts General Hospital and also Chief Science Officer for the Center for Law, Brain & Behavior at Harvard University, discusses interoception in her fascinating book How Emotions Are Made. This book largely elucidates her theory of constructed emotion. On some level your binge eating and emotional eating behaviors are learned. For example, you don’t need to give in to a craving for junk food just because you are experiencing a craving. You can break the link between ‘want food’ and ‘eat food’, between ‘feel sad’ and ‘eat food’, between ‘feel frustrated’ and ‘want cookies’ and ‘eat cookies’. To do that it might be helpful for you to become very curious about what is going on in your body and in your context in those moments when you feel pulled to binge or emotionally eat. What sensations do you experience? What thoughts are going through your head? What is going on in your life at that moment?

Barrett writes “typical self-help books focus on your mind. If you think differently, they say, you will feel differently. You can regulate your emotions if you try hard enough. These books, however, don’t give much consideration to your body…your body and your mind are deeply interconnected. Interoception drives your actions. Your culture wires your brain” (p. 176). According to Barrett, “the most basic thing you can do to master your emotions, in fact, is to keep your body budget in good shape” and that includes eating nutritious foods, exercising, and getting good sleep (p. 176). Barrett also notes the importance of emotional intelligence and developing greater emotional granularity.

As a student in a drama therapy master’s program (almost done with my first year!) ’emotional granularity’ struck me as being very much aligned with the emphasis on embodiment in drama therapy. In some of my classes we check in with a sound, a word, a movement, a sound and a movement…to convey how we feel. We don’t often check in with the typical “I feel fine” or “I feel good” or “I feel stressed”. We don’t even need an actual word to describe how we feel! We check in first with our bodies, and let that experience bubble up into a sound/movement. This allows a much more granular and highly specific way of expressing how one feels at a given moment.

I encourage you to try this way of assessing and expressing how you feel. Instead of rating your mood, try either labeling a specific emotion (here is a detailed list you can use), making a sound, doing a movement, or making a sound and a movement. For example, what does your body feel like before you binge? How does that compare to how your body feels like when you are feeling more at peace? Noting the nuances, can you start to label your experiences, differentiating them?

Over time, you might notice that feelings associated with binge eating tend to feel tight and constricting in your body. If you chose to adopt a sense of curiosity to your cravings and discomfort, how might that shift the sensations in your body? Overtime you might notice that you begin to develop a greater sense of interoception and intuition within your own processes. I hope this is helpful for you.

Rituals of Care

Many people soothe and comfort themselves with food. If you regularly find yourself turning to food to cope with your emotional life, I encourage you to instead create rituals of care for yourself. Live your life on a foundation of extraordinary self care.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

  1. Eat a healthy diet. You know the drill. Get rid of junk food, added sugar, and refined carbs. Supplement wisely.
  2. Take at least 15-30 minutes daily to engage in quiet time. Set this as time for when you are uninterrupted. You can engage in gentle stretching or other soothing activity; journal; listen to music; or simply be.
  3. Be active each day for at least 20 minutes. Walk, do yoga, dance, hike, go to the gym…just be active to your ability level.
  4. Laugh. Allow yourself to feel exquisite joy, and to express it with a laugh.
  5. Surround yourself with compassionate and caring people. These can be friends, colleagues, and family. Cultivate connections that build you up.
  6. Be in nature. Notice the sky. Listen to sounds of life bubbling around you. Feel the breeze. Observe trees in detail. Watch the wonders of this world flow all around you.
  7. Express gratitude. There is so much to be grateful for. To be able to experience the spectrum of emotions, to engage in the processes of living, to simply feel the sun and the rain on your skin.
  8. Be compassionate towards and kind to others. Do things to help people. Ask someone in your home if you can help with a chore. Volunteer. Actively show kindness. Listen to someone else fully.
  9. Spend time with animals. Play with your pet.
  10. Express yourself creatively. Drawing, painting, dancing, sculpture, music, drama, writing, improv…transform your pain into something creative and artistically expressive.
  11. Let yourself cry.
  12. Drink water and stay hydrated.
  13. Allow your emotions to come and go without clinging to them. Do not force uncomfortable emotions away; don’t reject them. And, don’t try to hold on to what feels good.
  14. Get good sleep.
  15. Remember those whom you’ve lost.
  16. Try a new class or activity.
  17. Cultivate a simple scared ritual that honors something or someone in your life. It can be a simple as lighting a candle, writing in a journal, donating, starting a new hobby, or reflecting on the depths of a tarot/oracle card.

Treat Yourself Without Food

Food is often inaccurately perceived as a “treat” or a “reward”. But it isn’t. The real treat and reward is reaching your weight loss goal. The real treat is good health. The real reward is engaging meaningfully in your life, to be able do things that matter to you and that bring you joy.

Finding ways to treat and reward yourself without food is an important part of your healthy weight loss journey. You deserve credit for consistently engaging in healthy habits. You deserve to treat yourself. You can do both without food. Here is a list of 60 ways to treat yourself without food.

  1. Give yourself credit. Acknowledge your effort, whether it’s because you finished a difficult work project or did some yoga.
  2. Buy yourself flowers or a new houseplant. A simple bouquet or a potted plant can be beautiful additions to your space. 
  3. Listen to a podcast that interests you. Listen to at least one episode as a reward for your hard work and dedication to reaching your weight loss goals. There are podcasts on a variety of topics. You might even discover a new hobby or interest. 
  4. Schedule time to do any activity you enjoy. Spend at least 30 minutes today doing any activity/hobby you enjoy.
  5. Browse your local bookstore, library, or Amazon. Check out new books on your platform/retailer of choice. Let your curiosity guide you to books and subjects that interest you. 
  6. Download some new music. Reward yourself by spending at least 15 minutes browsing and even downloading/purchasing some new music. Music can impact your mood.
  7. Buy yourself a gift. Buy a small item for your home or work space. Choose something that inspires you and/or makes you happy.
  8. Watch a movie.
  9. Try a new workout.
  10. Light a scented candle.
  11. Take a luxurious bath.
  12. Go for a walk.
  13. Treat yourself to a nice new body lotion.
  14. Take a nap.
  15. Watch a YouTube tutorial and try something new.
  16. Change your bedsheets.
  17. Sign for a class you’ve been wanting to take.
  18. Give yourself a break: let the household chores just be for a day.
  19. Buy something to brighten up your work or home space. A simple pillow, a cozy blanket, new pens, a lamp…
  20. Give yourself a lot of time to watch an entire series on Netflix/AmazonPrime/Disney+/Hulu/etc
  21. Buy new workout clothes.
  22. Take some time to do your hair/makeup. Even if you aren’t going anywhere.
  23. Call a close friend or family member.
  24. Spend time in nature.
  25. Color something/do an art project.
  26. Buy a new kitchen appliance. This will help you continue making and exploring healthy foods.
  27. Get some new shoes. Heels, flats, gym shoes…
  28. Write in a journal.
  29. Listen to an inspirational TED talk or other lecture.
  30. Check out the Free section on Craigslist and grab something that interests you.
  31. Try a YouTube dance tutorial
  32. Watch your favorite childhood movie or show.
  33. Visit a pet store
  34. Play video games for an hour
  35. Put together a puzzle
  36. Build a sand castle
  37. Visit local haunted places
  38. Let your intuition be your guide with a deck of tarot and/or oracle cards
  39. Blow bubbles
  40. Fly a kite
  41. Watch comedy and improv on YouTube
  42. Play with your pet
  43. Hula Hoop
  44. Go to the ocean (or mountains, or desert…)
  45. Learn a magic trick
  46. Tell someone about your accomplishment. Accept their approval/praise/compliment without discounting it. Go you!
  47. PJ day all day.
  48. Be present. Simply allow yourself to be in whatever moment you are in. Engage fully with your life for at least 5 minutes.
  49. Sit in a garden
  50. Get some glow in the dark stars and put them on your walls.
  51. Buy some stickers.
  52. Make a collage
  53. Listen to a motivating podcast.
  54. Volunteer
  55. Remind yourself of your progress. Try using some affirmation/words of wisdom/quotes.
  56. Do something you’ve been meaning/wanting to do.
  57. Spend time with your kids
  58. Create a private space in your home where you can relax. You might include some plants, sparkly rocks, photos, or anything else that makes you feel peaceful.
  59. Take photos of anything you like.
  60. Start a new hobby